Stepping Through Doorways: The Lost Art of Understanding in a Polarized World
A guide to building bridges across ideological and cultural divides
The nature of understanding has always deeply fascinated me. It has been essential to our species’ survival, not only as a cornerstone of progress but also as a propeller towards modernity. However, in today’s polarized culture where expressing the "wrong" beliefs can lead to being canceled by both the far right and the far left, true understanding feels like a lost art—one desperately in need of revival.
October 7th was an eye-opening experience for many young Jews like myself. Those of us who had long been critical of the Israeli government’s actions found ourselves abandoned by decade(s)-long friends after we mourned the largest pogrom against our community since the Shoah1. Suddenly, we were accused of holding beliefs far removed from our actual convictions—simply because we affirmed the right of the world’s only Jewish state to exist.
The responses of far left goyim2 felt eerily similar to my interactions with ones on the far right: reactionary, dismissive, and laden with the tension of walking on eggshells. After a year of mourning and stepping into a new reality, the only questions left were these:
Why does it feel harder than ever to truly understand one another?
How do I convince someone that I am worth being listened to without making them feel like I’m attacking their entire belief system?
The nature of understanding has since become the most important thing for me to, well, understand.
So what is ‘Understanding’? The dictionary definition says the following:
noun: the ability to understand something; comprehension.
adjective: sympathetically aware of other people's feelings; tolerant and forgiving.
Seems simple enough, but how do we apply this on an interpersonal level? Yes, you can tell someone to be aware and tolerant of other people’s feelings, but this assumes that sympathy and empathy are inherent human traits. While you can instinctively feel a sense of understanding toward someone with similar experiences, it becomes challenging to do with those who feel worlds away3. Because of this, we must take it upon ourselves to name and practice the process of understanding.
Let’s begin.
I. Defining True Understanding
In our Jewish tradition we say ‘kol adam olam um lo’o’ — every person is an entire universe.
—Jon Polin, father of Israeli-American hostage Hersh Goldberg-Polin
The act of understanding does not include 100% agreement; it is rather the ability to recognize that every person exists in their own universe, while making the active decision to step through the doorway of their reality. If you need a visual, think of the doors in Monsters, Inc.—each one leads to a unique and complex realm.
With that in mind, there are 8 components I’ve gathered that allow for true understanding to take place:
Take the time to sit with yourself and solidify the pillars of your own universe—meaning your values and morals—free from external influences such as social media or other persuasive mediums.
Eliminate or minimize your fear of change and your fear of being wrong.
Temporarily leave your own pillars behind as you enter someone else’s doorway. Theirs are built from different materials, shapes, and patterns. Just as you would not like someone else’s imposed onto yours, make sure to be a good visitor by leaving no trace.
Your universe will beckon you back like a magnet; learn to control it when you’re traveling, and do not fear being left stranded. You will always return.
Welcome in change as you would a souvenir. This does not change your foundation because you already solidified that, remember? This also does not mean the other’s universe is better than yours; there are just elements you did not have access to yet, and your universe is now richer because of it. Keep it in your mind and heart and allow it to integrate with the elements of your own world.
If you found nothing to bring home, that’s okay too. You were merely a tourist with no need for souvenirs. That does not mean the other’s universe is worse than yours; there were simply elements that did not mesh well, but how great is it to know they exist? Nothing changes in your own universe because of it.
Never moralize a change or lack of change in your universe.
Know that every doorway is a mystery, and every universe is always worth the trip.
II. The Challenges of Understanding
The ability to step through the doorway of another’s universe is a highly vulnerable act, and there seems to be a deep aversion to this from people on both extremes of the political spectrum. Beneath the surface lies a shared fear: the belief that simply listening to an opposing viewpoint equates to betraying one’s own values. For the far left, shutting the door on dialogue feels righteous—an act of ‘resistance’. For the far right, it echoes the defiance embodied by the Gadsden flag’s “Don’t Tread on Me” ethos. Both treat this rigidity as a badge of their ‘revolutionary’ ideologies; however, even a quick glance at human history will reveal how this phenomenon is neither new nor subversive to our species’ modus operandi. We’ve typically had a huge aversion to challenging our entrenched beliefs, leaving us unnecessarily tethered to outdated ideologies. It’s why the philosophers we now deem as genius soothsayers were, in their own generations, cast off to the margins of society and labeled insane. It’s a paradoxical stubborness—one I constantly see each extreme accusing the other of—and the most classic and comical case of projection in our divided zeitgeist.
III. The Introspective Antidote
Breaking free from our collective ouroboros requires a deep dive inward. Ask yourself:
Are you afraid of being wrong?
Are you afraid of being perceived as uneducated?
How many times have you wished people would step into your universe?
Are you jaded from a lack of respectful visitors?
How attached are you to the perception of your own competence and intelligence? Is it a central part of your identity?
What purpose does ego serve in coalition building?
What is ‘revolutionary’ about doing what humans have consistently done through time?
Has anyone ever managed to change your mind through force or anger?
Most importantly, what elements were present when someone did successfully change your mind?
IV. Convincing Someone Else to Understand You
I have often felt an inner storm of desperation brew during times (such as this past year) where understanding has not been reciprocated. It became a compulsory mission of mine to explain the Jewish community’s history and point of view, and felt a soul-sickness emerge when my words couldn’t pierce through the windows of someone’s limited understanding. I remember telling myself, “if I can convince even one person to understand us, maybe there’s hope”. Sadly, I have yet to see it happen.
I began to realize how, in the same way that understanding requires an absence of forcefulness, forcing someone else to do so strips their attempt4 of authenticity. I learned to accept that not everyone will understand, and that’s okay. Many are not ready to travel to a universe too different from their own—perhaps they are still building their own pillars, afraid to leave their own doorway, or fearful of betraying their own values by doing so (which, to me, indicates a fragility of values but I digress).
With this in mind, I have developed a deep hope that our experiences are akin to the aforementioned philosophers; maybe someday people will eventually see all the ways we were hurt and gaslit by the world. Even still, there is no use in waiting for this day to come.
The world is not ready to understand us, and we should not make ourselves ill over it. Had they5 the capacity to understand, I truly believe they would; however, it’s unfortunately become popular to let an Algorithm define one’s pillars. Realizing this brought an end to my compulsive desperation and allowed for my soul-sickness to dissipate. I no longer rely on another person’s understanding to feel worthy of being understood. I no longer allow another person’s fear to infect my insides. When solidifying my own pillars began taking precedence over mourning a lack of reciprocity, I began interpretting someone’s inability as an indicator of their own limitations rather than an intrapersonal shortcoming. In short, I finally felt free.
Last but not least, here is a quote by a philosopher who was also not accepted or understood in his time, but whose pursuit of truth fueled an inner fire that not even the most hateful could extinguish:
Flee, my friend, into your solitude: I see you stung all over by the poisonous flies. Flee to where a rough, strong breeze blows! Flee into your solitude! Flee from their invisible vengeance! For you they have nothing but vengeance. No longer raise your arm against them! They are innumerable, and it is not your job to be a flyswatter.
—Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra
To my fellow Jews young and old: we must not lose ourselves to the invisible vengeance of extremists. It is not our job to be flyswatters.
The mass murder of Jewish people under the German Nazi regime during the period 1933–1945; the Holocaust.
Non-Jews
This could mean differences on a cultural, religious, or even interpersonal level. It’s harder to connect with someone who shares nothing with you.
Attempt of understanding
Antisemites